There was no moon

Some cheeky son of a bitch. There was a time when I cared more about the people around me and now I only care about three people.

The other day, Jyg and I were discussing the friend thing. What started as D, Binx and me has now become an occasional night of Philosopher, Squid and I. It was on the conversation of D and my refusal to make any contact with her. Jyg asked if I was going to give up on a friend, but after so much of having to tell her not to do what her impulse tells her to do, I’ve pretty much given up of her ever actually knowing her friends. It doesn’t matter, but when I look at it, I live a rather lonely life. Granted that I do have the three people I care about in it. It seems that Friday night outings might be canceled until further notice. I’m not complaining, or whining, or anything like that, just realizing that the end of our group – it was later compose of D, Binx (his occasional gf), Philosopher and me (and Jyg on occasion) – wasn’t brought on by the board games that D was so fearful of, but children, marriage, annoyance amongst other things.

D was the first to sever the whole thing, in actuality. I don’t blame her fully – she didn’t plan to get pregnant, get married, or anything that followed – but at the after wedding outing, the three of us realized that now that one of us had made that big step, it was only the inevitable that the whole thing would collapse within itself. Binx assumed it would be me that would take the next step and sever more, but in the long term, it was him and his getting married. Even before that, we hardly saw him. But still, we attempted to continue and try to make something more of this, but all attempts failed. In the end it was only Philosopher and I (plus Squid) who kept it up.

When we didn’t call D, she’d play victim and said no one told her what time we were leaving or where we were going, as if suddenly our routine changed. Philosopher pointed out the most obvious thing – when D doesn’t want to annoy us (whether it be intentional or not, I don’t know) she’ll find us at our usual dives; however, when she doesn’t have anything annoying up her sleeves, she’ll send us the “guilt trip” text which usually states that she has no friends as we didn’t call her. Binx is married now and striving to keep going. All blessings to him. His wife’s a nice girl and I think they mean the world to each other, which is possibly more than I can say for more couples I know. D separated and divorced hers.

Now, it feels a little weird and emo writing this post. But really it’s more of an standing on the outside looking in post. For the first time, I realized just how storybook the whole thing was. From the beginning to the now, everything was going to happen just as it did. And in the process, hindsight and my fucked up memory, I should’ve known the outcome of it all but continue on anyway.

It’s just a matter of looking at things, I suppose.

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