I had a vision I could turn you right
a stupid mission and a lethal fight
I should have seen it when my hope was new
my heart is black and my body is blue
And I’m losing my favourite game
you’re losing your mind again
I had this dream the other night that caused me some discomfort. It’s wasn’t too good of a dream. It’s waning down to the 18th. Want to know what’s wrong with me? People tell me that sometimes when you’re at your lowest you have to reach out for help. What if you’ve never been good at reaching out to others but don’t want to be left alone? It doesn’t matter, right? I’ll manage.
My mother’s going into surgery later this month. It irks me. This is the woman who just took care of me over a month ago after my surgery and now the roles will be switched again. She needs the surgery, but because she’s diabetic, I’m worried. I worry a lot these days. I feel replaced and misplaced at times. My mother’s surgery is just the worry of the now. I feel incomplete in a rather completed cycle. Was anyone else left amaze at my turning back and running? I wasn’t it. I’m wont to let go of the past. That’s who I let people down. I’m prone to be a let down. Don’t contradict me, it won’t work.
So here’s to 2008, the goddawful year and a horrible experience that I never want to remember again. I hope to never look back on this year as anything but major disappointment save Barack Obama’s success. If anything, the country speaking for change has given this year a silver lining.