Ladies and gentlemen – my dear readers – I have finally been scammed by someone who fucked up royally. Actually, I’ve never been scammed, but I do get a lot of scams in the mail. They fail to note that I never once fell for any of their scams and I will continue going strong without ever falling for a scam. However, in the mass of scam mail I get in my little mail box (I’m talking about snail mail, people) never has a scammer been so stupid not to do a little research first.
Their first mistake – and quite possibly the smallest mistake – was they addressed the scam piece to my nickname. I never buy anything under that name except magazine subscriptions, and I don’t think Esquire would sell me out like that. But the biggest mistake is that the piece of mail is a FINAL NOTICE! for my…wait for it…wait for it…
EXPIRED VEHICLE FACTORY WARRANTY!
Now if you don’t see the problem here, then you don’t know me. Since I DO NOT drive a car, there is no way in hell that my warranty has now expired. So Dealer Warranty Services of 3710 Mueller Road, St. Charles, Missouri 63301, phone number 1-800-581-1575, you done fucked up!
My readers take heart that if you receive anything from Dealer Warranty Services to throw it out and warn others. Scammers must be stopped.
Read more about their scam here.
I just called and spoke to a Brian who assured me that they are not a scam, however, I do not believe him because his voice shifted after I told him I had no car that needed warranty – well, actually that I had no car. He then asked if the card had a car on it, which it didn’t but I’m sure that’s to cover their asses. However, and I take this from the post card, it says:
Dear Valued Customer (read: Scammee),
This notice is to inform you that your vehicle’s factory warranty has expired, or may expire soon depending on your current mileage.
Take action now to protect yourself from increasingly high labor cost and unexpected repair bills! Call us IMMEDIATELY to take advantage of this final offer. You have been preselected for this exclusive offer.
So while Brian said it was just an offer and not a scam, why are they trying to “scare” me into giving up money for a nonexisting car? Hmm. Answer me that Brian.