Russell Brand, The Jonas Brothers and Jordin…wait, I’ve done this already…

It’s interesting what other people are saying about the whole ordeal last night. If anything, this might just make Russell Brand a household name in the USA. If not, then at least it’ll make Jordin Sparks – I still don’t understand how she’s famous, who she is and why she exists – a well loathed/misunderstood/liked moron of American teen (not so) beauty. There are some people who praise Jordin for her words, while other people are downright insulted by it. 

If you didn’t watch, or live under a rock, here is what the holier-than-thou, promise-ring-wearing wannabe diva have to say about those who don’t wear promise rings, or choose to wait until marriage:

“I just have one thing to say about promise rings. It’s not bad to wear a promise ring because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.”

Okay, first of all, no guy in this society is ever called a slut (unless said guy is a homosexual and he called himself that, not that there’s anything wrong with that). Secondly, did Jordin Sparks just call me a slut

Break the quote down: “It’s not bad to wear a promise ring because not everybody – guy or girl – wants to be a slut.” There’s a fallacy in this quote, I can’t remember which one because I took logic when I a freshman in college and it’s now about five years since that class, so let’s turn it into a fallacy whose name I do remember. The complex question is one I remember so let’s use that. First, let’s go back to the trusty text book and let that explain to us what that is:

An informal fallacy that occurs when a single question that is really two or more questions is asked, and a single answer is applied to both questions. 

Now how am I doing to do that? How will I change Jordin Sparks’s statement of promise rings to a complex question? This will be a poor poor example because my brain is fried. “Do your parents and friends know you’re a slut because you don’t wear a promise ring?” Answer yes to that and you admit you’re a slut. Answer no, and you admit you’re a slut but neither your parents or family know about it. That’s a bad example, I know, but at the time it’s the only thing that I can think of. 

Okay, let’s go the route of Hasty Generalization which “is a fallacy that affects inductive generalizations.” This might make a better generalization. And for this, I will create a hypothetical niece because I can and she now exists and will be moving in with my brother in a matter of days. So my hypothetical niece, let’s call her Debbie, is a 15-year-old, typical high school girl. You have her image in your head? Good. Okay. Taking the Sparks quote, I shall now use it to prove it to be a fallacy that it already is:

Jordin Sparks – whoever she is – says that promise rings are a good thing because it keeps young adults – both guys and girls – from being sluts. My niece Debbie doesn’t have a promise ring. Therefore, my niece wants to be or is already a slut. 

That’s also bad, and I might come back to correct it when I’m in the right state of mine, so let’s start off from there. Now, I know for certain that my niece Debbie isn’t a slut because a) I just made her up, and b) she doesn’t really exist. However, if she were real and she didn’t think a promise ring was necessary to maintain one virginity until marriage, she still would be considered a slut under the Jordin fallacy

What amuses me the most is that despite their promise rings, the boys are still whored out by the very music entity that created them. You may not see it as such, but anyone with eyes who wanders into the magazine stand at their local Wal-Mart will see tons upon tons of pin ups of these boys and, quite possibly, Jordin Sparks, on every cover of the teeny bopper magazines. I already noted this on the first post that had a similar title here in my blog. So despite what the abstinence only people think, these kids are already pretty much sex symbols to every girl and gay boy out there. This is no win, but, as my friend from a forum would say, an “epic fail” on the part of their modern day David. 

The true problem wasn’t the fact that Brand “made fun” of ones choice to save oneself, but the fact that his sort of comedy isn’t understood, or well loved in this country. Jordin Sparks probably didn’t get it, so she got pissed off and made a hasty comment that condemned every one who has ever had sex before marriage. Way to go, Jordin, you just alienated some of your fans that is if you have any. 

However, don’t let my words fool you. It’s been a proved fact – by Mormons, of all people – that sex before marriage with a long term partner is “extremely destructive power.” It’s sad how people consider their own faults – I’ve met a few people on the forums who have convicted everyone who has smoked, will smoke, or smokes pot as a total bum, a loser and is never successful (ahem, Bill Clinton, anyone?) – as universal truths with everyone else. If you had sex outside of marriage bonds and it left you broken, then that’s your deal. I’ve had sex with three different people in my life, all outside of marriage. Now besides a bad back – completely unrelated to my premarital sex, I hope – I’m an okay guy. 

Now I’m not saying it’s right to go and bash someone for choosing to be a virgin, because that’s wrong. It’s also not right to make fun of other’s beliefs. However, you’re still going to get the assholes who will and you have to be the better person and suck it up, rather than calling your fan base, most of the United States’ youth, and quite possibly all of The Hills viewers, a slut, because that just makes you ignorant. Besides, if you can’t laugh at yourself, then you’re only letting the heckler’s win. The next thing you know, you’re going to be saying some very derogatory words on stage and having to apologize on David Letterman before you vanish into obscurity.

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3 responses to “Russell Brand, The Jonas Brothers and Jordin…wait, I’ve done this already…

  1. I think the big thing was that Jordin said it on the spur of the moment and didn’t have a chance to prepare it. I doubt she meant to imply that sex before marriage makes you a slut.

  2. Yes, but between Brand’s “lewd” comments and her ignorant rationalization, she had enough time to rehash somethings. Before I backed down from calling CNN about the comments made, I thought I should at least take a moment to think before I make myself look like an idiot like Jordin did. She has enough time to get the words right, but instead allowed it to brew before getting up there and labeled quite a few people who don’t fall under the category of slut a slut because they don’t fall underneath her definition of pure.

    I know she meant no harm by it, but like Brand, who retracted his comment, while continuing to keep his cool about it, she should retract her words and apologize for her hasty generalization of a good population of MTV viewers.

  3. I agree with Ennui Prayer…Sparks had enough time to think about what she was going to say, and instead of making her response one of competence and class, she lashed out like the holier-than-thou Catholic school girl who points to the misfit from the “other side of the tracks” and goes “OMG you are SO not wearing a purity ring…you are such a skank”

    I’m tired of all the Bible beater blogs who champion her statements. These are the same idiots who condemn everyone else for their lifestyles and for the way they were BORN for God’s sake, but when the heat comes back to them, they can’t deal with it. You’re right, ennui, in the sense that the Jonas Brothers AND Jordin Sparks are all whored out to their public (and really, does Sparks have any song cred, besides “No Air” with Chris Brown?), promise ring or not, and for her to think that those boys are REALLY not pulling a Justin Timberlake circa Mouseketeer Club while on tour, is pretty naive. And lest we all forget…these Disney/other cookie-cutter “musical artists” all claim virginity in the early stages of their lives. Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, Christina Aguilera, J-Timberfake, etc etc etc….once they all hit 18 or 21, it was all over from there right? lol I say we just wait and see until Sparks, and the Jonas Bros, become another Hollywood statistic.

    But yeah…she should apologize to the little fan-base she has. I guess she would condemn fellow American Idol alum Katherine McPhee for portraying a pregnant college student in The House Bunny….something that is WAY more relevant to the state of the American teenager/student, than a damn purity ring.

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