“I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove” Butthole Surfers

Disclaimer: This blog isn’t meant to offend you. Actually, if you’re offended, then bitch about it on your own blog, not mine. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure some of you might be offended by this blog. If you’re offended, that only means you have no sense of humor whatsoever and should get off your high horse and get high for a change. Also I would like to know that I’m not attacking Feminists in this blog, even though it might seem like I am at times. I apologize offhand if any feminists are offended by this blog, unless you equate Feminism with PUMA power which doesn’t make a you a feminist, but a raving idiot and you should politely excuse yourself and have a political time out. Further more, I’d like to state if you’re blog got linked here it’s either because I liked a lot, or hated it just as equally. The choice is yours to decide which one I feel about you. And while I’m on the subject of disclaimers, I often wonder why people would even fathom a disclaimer anymore. The world of political correctness should have died in the 90s because it was just a waste of time. I’m not saying go out and become racists, sexist and bigots (though, a lot of you already are, but just like to use other terms for it like Evangelical, Republican and Conservative). I’d also like to note that while I call PUMAs pussies, they are anything but pussies. It takes a certain amount of balls to actually get up in the morning, watch TV, look at Mrs. Clinton for some sort of secret code in her body language or words, get on their blogs and write about how she still supports them and is anti-Obama – didn’t a woman get arrested for this because David Letterman was giving her secret messages on TV? – and actually believe the horseshit that they write about one candidate while ignoring the flaws of the other candidate, all the while denying that they themselves are conservative or Republican. This is just a summary of my dream that I had last night and shouldn’t to be explained as much as I already have, but it’s in my nature. Again: I DO NOT mean to offend anyone who is a Feminist (who is my friend), Christian (whois my friend), Republican (who is my friend) or any blogger (who is friend, or I’m the fan of his/her blog). Thank you and enjoy the post.

P.S. I’d also like to state that this post is meant to offend you. Yeah. If it doesn’t, then I didn’t do my job.

Here’s to the Montagues, John Wayne, and Bette Davis
And Romeo, gave it for a chorus girl in Vegas, yeah
Juliet is up in heaven, a pocket full of pills
And Jesus flies to Mexico, to get a prescription filled

I had a dream last night that the country was at a lost. A lot of political mutants from the Republican party (not to mention the Hilary pussies meowing at their doors) went in and voted for McCain/$2 Whore…err Palin. Sorry, feminists, that was a crude joke, I know. But can we agree that Palin is only the token woman and has not political experience – isn’t that what everyone is saying about Obama, by the way? – even is Alaska is next to Russia – what the fuck does that mean anyway? Palin stands for everything most feminist should stand against, yet a lot of the PUMA freaks are considering themselves feminists. I’m sorry, but Feminism DOES NOT equal pouting in the corner, arms crossed, faces scrunched up and whining that their person lost the election and vowing revenge on a person who is completely oblivious of them.

But Palin also stands for everything I’m against as well. Blogger Ingrid Schlueter over at The Hope Blog writes:

I like Sarah Palin. We have much in common in our beliefs on the sanctity of human life, the right to bear arms, the importance of the Constitution and the need to protect God’s definition of family. I further admire her spunk, intelligence and leadership gifts. They are obviously considerable. At a time of weak male leadership, a clear voice of any kind that represents common sense and decency is a breath of fresh air. I have absolutely nothing against Governor Palin.
(source)

I’m all for those who have faith even though I think it’s a waste of time. Some people need faith like I need…well, I can’t think of anything. Now, before I continue, I want to say that I don’t know who Ingrid is, or read any of her blogs minus this one (but I’m only focusing on her opening paragraph rather than the blog post as a whole) and I don’t dare assume she’s being a bigot, or an idiot, anti feminist, etc. I want to make this clear because I don’t want angry Ingrid fans cursing me to the pits of hell, because I live about 20 minutes away from Hell and it’s not as bad as people say it is.

Now Ingrid likes Palin for all the reasons I dislike Palin – except, nowhere in this opening paragraph does she say that Palin is appropriate for the job because of her knowledge of foreign affairs, running the show (because you, me and your grandmother knows that McCain’s going to last as long as Garfield did in office – oh yeah, I went there), and so on. Here’s a list on why Ingrid, and a lot of other Republicans, like Palin:

  1. The Sanctity of human life, meaning pro-life.
  2. The right to bear arms
  3. anti gay marriage
  4. she’s a woman. Yeah, I said it.

Okay, let me be the first to say that I will never get an abortion, solely because I can’t get one. One must have a vagina to get one and I’m all penis on this side of the screen. I also feel – as a liberal, OMG! – that abortions are a vile procedure that we abuse a lot of the times. However, with that being said, again, I don’t have a vagina so I dont’ know nothing about nothing when it comes to abortions. What I do know is that some regret it and some don’t. I also know that “Brass Furnace Going Out: Song, after an Abortion” by Diane DiPrima, which is read at a lot of Pro-life rallies, isn’t an antiabortion poem, but an poem about an abortion. Unlike most men in this country (the south), I don’t think it’s right for me to say no to a woman who wants to get an abortion. Just like I don’t go up to the drunk and say, “No, don’t drink. You’ll kill your liver, kidneys and your life.” We allow people to get a tattoo, get drunk, join the army (more on this part in a bit), and so on that affects one’s body and possibly the lives around them (really stressing on just the army and the drinking, drug addiction, cigarettes, and the like with this one), so why do we focus so much on abortion? Because children are miracles from Heaven? I’m sorry, I may not be a father, but I do have a large family and I beg to differ. Kids are so far from little miracles that they can’t even see Heaven from where they’re standing. Kids do stuff to annoy us, aggravate us and they even get pregnant at 17 and out of wedlock while you stand at the abstinence only stance.

With Palin, however, you’re getting another Pro-life nut who will only resort to giving women who are victims of incest or rape two choices:

  1. Live with the memory of the nightmare each and every day (even though adoption is an option, popular culture leads me to believe that adopted children always seek out their birth parents); and
  2.    

    Old fashion choice

    Old fashion choice

However, the sanctity of life shouldn’t only mean those who can’t speak from within the womb who just happen to be in a womb in the USA, but of all life in the world. That’s just this man’s point of view. Dropping bombs on a foreign country causes what El Senor and his fellow marine buddies in the first Gulf War called, “late abortions” (I will correct this later, when I figure out the correct term), meaning killing children and men already ready born into this world. Don’t get me wrong, war is necessary sometimes. Iraq wasn’t one of those sometimes and to this day still isn’t.

As for the right to bear arms, sure that’s a good idea until someone punk kid goes off and shoots up your kid’s school, possibly injuring or killing your offspring in the process. Then gun control is all the riot. Or, as some Republicans seem to see it, only in the hands of sensible White Anglo Saxton Protestants rather than their darker skin counterparts, should be able to carry a weapon. Gun control is a stupid and sensible law. I don’t like the idea of not being able to obtain a gun to protect myself from, oh let’s say, zombies. However, I also don’t like the idea of Jerry Michael’s across the street to break in my house and steal my stuff, because I happen to like my stuff. My stuff keeps me connected to you.

So how do we keep guns out of the hands of the “wrong” people and give them to the “right” people because a bout of anger, rage or insanity is all that it takes for a “right” person to become a “wrong” person. No, what most conservatives want is to keep them out of the hands of those who might wind up using it on them rather than others, meaning a black or Hispanic person, e.g. me.

Thirdly, the whole God wrote a dictionary, because I know people aren’t stupid and actually think that God wrote the Bible himself. The first Webster Dictionary was actually written by God way before we actually had a Webster on our shelf. I attempted to confirm this information with God, but I could not find an e-mail address, home address or a phone number. I also attempted praying, but as always, all my words went unanswered. I called a local priest and asked him about it, but he hung up on me with recognition of my voice.

Because I haven’t received word from God, or any spokesperson representing him, I have to assume that the Dictionary is out of print. So I turn to the Bible, but that says a lot of things that make no sense to me. Because we are on the subject of doing what the Bible says, I think it’s high time to sell your children off to marriage, don’t think? Back in my old blog, I reported this website. Nothing is as depraved as Christians who live by the Bible word per word. Not even gay sex is that depraved, not that I would know or anything.

But if two men, or two women, want to be as miserable as the rest of the you Lord-fearing people, I ask why not? Not to long ago, it was frowned upon if a white girl married a black man, or anyone who wasn’t a WASP for that matter. Now we’re eliminating race lines through interracial marriages and one night stands (not to mention porn, always have to mention the porn when it comes to Palin because of all those supposedly real photos of her flying around the internet).

I don’t see the problem of gay marriage and how it endangers the American family. Two men getting married doesn’t endanger my chances of getting married because I do that on my own. Besides, we’re living in a new age now, it’s time to shrug the fabrics of religion and drop them on the ground. I mean, one can believe in whatever one wants and still be able to love his/her neighbor (in any matter of they deem fit). I swear, the last reason I think we should put an damper on homosexuals getting married is religious reasons.

But my horrible dream happened last night and McCain/Palin won. The country began to crumble. The PUMA pussies were in glee that Obama lost, but were quickly put to death by Palin. Liberals had a choice, fall into place, or die. Some tried to flee to Canada but were shot on arrival as Palin used her govenor authority to line up the National Guard along the Canadian border (she did this before she was VP, by the way). After the first month, a bitter cold month that made USA look a lot like the USSR in all those propaganda films I watched in my film class, McCain was subdued by his feeble age and began to believe he was imprisoned again. Because of this, McCain was found unfit to be president and Palin took control. Iraq was quickly forgotten, along with the troops there. Palin decided to make an attack on Russian for the sole reason that she feared they would invade Alaska – because, you know, they’re so darn close. Religion was banned from the church and moved into the school yards across the United States. Her pro-life agenda did not erase abortion, but rather supplied abortionists with rusty wire hangers to do the trick. Republicans who knew Palin would screw up, ran to Mexico only to encounter the very wall they wanted built in their way. Trapped, they went into every house of every minority to steal their weapons to suicide themselves away. However, they had forgotten that the right to bear arms meant the right to bear arms if you’re a white collared American. The world became a wasteland and only a band of talented heroes stood against the Palin administration. And they were the X-Men. Oh wait. No. That was a comic book I was reading last night. Must’ve gotten mixed into my thoughts. And to think I was just about to say that her being president after McCain’s removeal caused the M’Kraan Crystal to hurl towards earth.

[Edit:] I’m sure that her deleting the blog has nothing to do with my post, but Ingrid Schlueter’s blog (the one I quoted from) has been removed for some unknown reason. I know I have no power whatsoever because I’m not a powerful person. However, again, I would like to note that my using her blog entry was in no way an attack. It’s just that she had the right words in such a way that I couldn’t pass it up. I’m not sure why Mrs. Schlueter deleted the post, but from what I read, it wasn’t a horrible post – nor was it one I can call excellent, but that’s just my bais speaking, which you shouldn’t pay no attention to. Again, this post was just some pathetic attempt for shits and giggles. I hope no one was offended by it, but if you were, then thank you. You just gave me that much more power in your world.

[Edit:] It would seem that Mrs. Schlueter’s post is back up with a disclaimer of her own. I’m unsure what the ordeal was that had remove her link from Slice, but reading the explanation, it would seem it was an ugly one with vile people – more twisted than me, I’m assuming – laid her to waste.

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