I’ve forgotten how to sleep at night

Cause I’ve been wishing so hard
Tell me can you relate
You want something so bad and in time
It’s too long to wait
Cause I’ve been wishing so hard
Tell me if you think that it’s true
Cause everything I’ve been wishing
for I had in me in you

The room smells of bread. And I think about two things that I did wrong with my life. And while I shouldn’t think about them, they’re all I have going on in my mind. I don’t know what to do with myself. There is no more neutral party. I’ve erased all boundaries, all borders, this whole Summer.

My friend’s marriage is ending. Can’t say she didn’t try. Just another statistic for you to chalk up. And me? Well, me. I’m just bitter. I don’t know what I have to bitter about.

As I talked to her on the phone, I said that maybe she should’ve crawled before she ran. Sure, statistically, we get married because we are or got someone pregnant, but that wasn’t a sign that you’re ready for marriage. That’s where husband made the mistake of it. He thought because he said it, it meant that the powers that be had made it factual. But words are just words. And while he blames her for a lot of things, he doesn’t realize all those times the other three fingers were pointing right back at him, as the saying goes.

Sometimes, I think I should’ve listen to my own words. I ran before I even crawled away from the pain. I moved to fast and I only brought the hatchet down on myself even harder. I don’t know if others realize this, but…I’m at a loss for words. Me. The person who’s supposed to be a wordsmith.

I want to be forgotten,
and I don’t want to be reminded.
You say “please don’t make this harder.”
No, I won’t yet.
I wanna be beside her.
She wanna be admired.
You say “please don’t make this harder.”
No, I won’t yet.


One response to “I’ve forgotten how to sleep at night

  1. I speak peace and prosperity in you and your friend’s lives and that life will restore unto you all that you may have lost so far even if that be your sleep or a love one’s marriage.
    I was really moved by the intensity behind your words. All is not lost my friend….all is never lost

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