“Oh, do not ask, ‘What is it?'” (T.S. Elliot)

If love is a drug, I guess we’re all sober,
If hope is a song I guess it’s all over,
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don’t want to die…
If God’s on our side, then God is a joker,
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,
Running out through the door and straight to the sky,
I don’t want to die…

I thought I should have explained my reference in last night’s post. The religion as a deck of cards. If you didn’t read it, shame on you. If you don’t want to peruse through it, this is what I’m talking about:

Alice once told me that it is human nature to believe in god. A god. Any god. Pick a god, any god. Put it back into the deck. Let me shuffle. I’m sorry, you picked the joker. The trick’s on you. What’s your Ace?

The god as joker bit was just a reference to the song posted above. I tend to slip in and out of that mindset when I’m writing that I reference things and never let on.

Today was a tad better. My mood was slightly better. I spoke to Alice again. Speaking to her gives me hope for humanity, even though she has showed herself as flawed as those around her. I have my reasons for feeling this way. I like our late night conversations because it takes me back to the years before this mess. It takes me back before I was jaded. I may not agree with some of her beliefs, but she at least keeps me grounded. I’m not sure if I would have survived these last few days without that ear.  She’s a neutral friend. She’s a listener. We have fallen into old roles.

A lot of my feelings are being poured into an outline for something I’ve been meaning to write for years. I just haven’t gotten the whole plot down, hence the outline. This is the first time I’ve ever depended on an outline for a creative writing project, or any writing project. We’ll see.

I’m also drafting notes for Gospel, something I’ve been compiling in my head since last year. We’ll see how that goes about.


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