“Suicide is painless” (the theme from M*A*S*H)

June 11, 1951. Letter from Régine Junier telling me of her suicide.
—Albert Camus

I started perusing Albert Camus’ Notebooks 1951-1959 that Philosopher swiped for me. I’m not seriously getting into the book, just seeing what it contains for the sole reason I’m still reading Portnoy’s Complaint. However, reading the quoted entry started getting me to think about my own suicide. Not that I plan to do a whole suicidal ordeal, but like most people with my mind, I have thought about how I’d kill myself. It’s not at all surprising, trust me.

Suicide has always felt like a waste for me. It’s the most selfish and cowardly act to do, yet many times when I’m in that hole – a bottomless frenzy of distraught and depression – there seems to be no way out of this other than the slitting of a wrist, the barrel of a gun, the noose upon the neck. I dreamed I was Christ once, upon the broken stained glass.

I wish I were better. I wish I were great. I wish I were perfect. If only for you.

The woman on the the television is smiling. I cannot help but think her results are not typical.
—Claudia Rankine, Don’t Let Me Be Lonely


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s